JENNA CLARKE August 14, 2012
What do you do to compete with an Olympic hangover and a big brother with a big budget? Take one part sexual innuendo, 2/3 cups of drug references and a pinch of polygamy for the pressure test from hell, inspired by a guy that lives in heaven.
Zeus – the sweet yet sadistic dish with 13 components is not only going to challenge the All Stars but it will kill them – according to the ever eloquent Gaz.
“Is there liquid nitrogen?” asks Kate.
“Is there soil?” asks Dani, obviously missing the memo she's on a cooking show not Geologist Wants A Wife.
Justine is having issues coming to terms with a dish that is constructed solely out of chocolate – she went through a bittersweet elimination the first time around and doesn't want to leave under a calorific cloud.
George is to blame for this god-like dish. He says the inspiration is the Greek god, his eight mistresses and wife although one can't help but be reminded upon viewing the dish in a room Willy Wonka would be embarrassed by that Masterchef's own Greek god is a new father to a nappy-wearing infant.
Tonight the final six have three hours to recreate a salt and vinegar twig, chocolate mousse with a liquid chocolate centre, a chocolate tuile, a chocolate cake, chocolate sorbet and chocolate clay as well as a perfectly tempered gold leaf covered bar representing Zeus's wife Hera.
“You've gotta give yourself enough time to nail every element,” George spits out as he chews on several euphemisms at once.
“Tackle it chunk by chunk. The first hour is about moving your bum,” he adds while showing why he's better with a whisk than words.
Young kitchen hand Jedi Callum is already panicked as he's spent time being a slave working at George's esteemed eatery The Press Club and needs to impress his former boss – so he takes to leading the pack and they dutifully follow.
First up is crack.
Not the Winehouse special – the chocolate crack that will act as the casing for the mousse.
Callum whips, spreads and shapes in one swift action while Justine is concerned she hasn't taken her glucose far enough... to where exactly, we are unsure.
Julie clears up the confusion by offering her tip for the sisterhood of the travelling glucose; when dealing with temperatures, know the difference between degrees Celsius and degrees Fahrenheit – a handy hint she discovers after creating beef jerky and Play Doh replicas out of her first batch of “crack”.
Kate doesn't care if she doesn't plate up anything other than perfectly tempered chocolate and refuses to work on the 12 other elements until then.
Meanwhile Dani appears to melt down in front of the camera — a lot. Something her chocolate should try.
Moving on from the crack and Justine has turned her attention to the tuile, something she also cannot master.
Chris, who has been quietly toiling away at tempering, is taking creative license with the recipe for the salt and vinegar twigs and decides to trust his gut and add more raspberry vinegar.
Julie – the Mr Bean of MasterChef All Stars — is continuing to stumble, mumble and fumble her way through the chocolate challenge.
Having never been acquainted with an air gun needed to make her white aero slabs, George decides to step in and help Julie by holding the deep tray while she sprays the white liquid contents all over the tray, floor and his Zegna suit.
At the five minute mark Callum's recipe bursts into flames and Dani is going through gold sheets like a mining magnate goes through lawyers.
We then jump back in time and there's only 10 minutes until George and Gaz begin to destroy the dishes and their makers' dignity – it's here we see Dani needs her mousse to perform, Justine's filling has split and Kate is still tempering.
Time is finally called and Justine collapses like she's just ran a marathon, while Callum and Chris are high fiving like the Jamaican 4 x 100m relay team.
Chris is up first and says he's proud of his creation – even the gold chocolate bar. While he's got all 13 elements on the plate the “wife didn't snap” and earns himself a lecture about how melting chocolate is a skill which takes years to master.
Kate gingerly fronts up and admits she's left out the salted caramel and pear pieces. Yet her wife cracks with a loud snap and puts a smile on Gaz and George's dials.
Dani admits to spending three hours of binging on chocolate rather than “cooking” chocolate. Her hyperglycemia has made her hysterical so she ran out of time to make the liquid centre of her mousse, the pear and the salted caramel.
Julie makes it across the finish line, despite her ramblings, with a wife than cracks and a gooey mousse sauce which makes the judges ooze praise.
Justine compensates her lack of caramel sauce by channelling Big Love and offers up two wives.
Callum and Chris are deemed the winners while Dani is served backhanded compliments from the judges before being asked to pack up for good.
She's now off to write a cook book, you know something original for a MasterChef contestant.