Damien Murphy and Scott Ellis June 06, 2012
Getting clucky? ... Kate Middleton and Prince William. Photo: Reuters
''WILLS confirms: We're having a baby!'' And so begins the latest round of ''news'' from the glossies that is, in the words of that great philosopher Obi-Wan Kenobi, ''True … from a certain point of view''.
That particular gem comes from Women's Day which plucked a quote from a recent interview Prince William had with US journalist Katie Couric. What he actually said, if you read down, was ''I'm just very keen to have a family'' then ''I would rather like to have children''.
Neither of which means his wife is pregnant right now, but there you go. In a similar vein we have New Idea, Famous and Women's Day (again) in a lather over Tom Cruise's marriage. ''Tom and Katie living apart'' says WD, ''Tom and the Aussie model: New photos rock the US'' has Famous and ''Katie's Torment'' from NI.
Read on however and we learn the couple is living apart because Katie's off filming in Connecticut while Tom's working in New Orleans and the Aussie model is just that, a model hired to appear in some promotional stills for his latest flick Rock of Ages. And the torment? That's anyone's guess.
At least most of the mags seem to have caught on to the fact any story about the Kardashians is never likely to be anything but a scripted fantasy, with members of the extended clan notably absent this week. Except of course from OK, which reports Kourtney, distressed by the news her mother had an affair 25 years ago, is in therapy.
They know this is true because the breakdown and entire therapist session in which her insecurities are dealt with was televised as part of the family's ongoing reality TV franchise. And of course everything that happens on TV is real.
Just how any of this ''news'' managed to push out the real scoop of the week is a mystery.
That's buried in New Idea on page 40, where Tania Zaetta, a woman who has hardly shied away from the spotlight, reveals she has been keeping a very big secret - until recently she was married. To a footy star. Who apparently fell out of love after just six weeks thanks to a footy-related head injury.
''He said he was confused,'' Tania says of former Queensland Reds player Nathan Williams, who ''could barely remember who she was'' after a concussion. ''[He] couldn't make sense of anything and didn't know if he loved me any more.'' Shortly thereafter, they split and last year were divorced.
In a world where even the hint of a story sets off headline bombs, just how Zaetta managed to keep that under wraps until now - while she's planning her autobiography - is mind-boggling. And that's the truth.