Judith Ireland June 28, 2012
"My sky-high measuring device".....Trade Minister Craig Emerson displays a tape measure during question time as Prime Minister Julia Gillard look on. Photo: Andrew Meares Photo: Andrew Meares
The last question time for six weeks ended not with whimper or bang today but with a measuring tape.
However, the session started predictably enough.
The Coalition wanted to talk about the ''toxic carbon tax'' and the government wanted to press the opposition on a ''compromise'' to the asylum seeker standoff (that is, support the bill in the Senate).
Deputy Speaker Anna Burke was also doing her usual thing, introducing groups of well-behaved school children in the galleries and cracking down on MPs' use of props.
''No props! No props!'' she yelled as the entire Coalition held up carbon tax posters during Bruce Billson's question to Assistant Treasurer David Bradbury.
Then, at 3.07 pm, just when people were pondering a post-question time snack, Tony Abbott was up, quick as a flash.
There was only one place this was going.
Abbott moved to suspend standing orders to censure Julia Gillard, due to her promise that there ''will be no carbon tax'' and the fact that one such carbon tax will be introduced this Sunday.
As Abbott launched into his ten minute monologue about Gillard's ''political crime'' it became clear that Gillard was going to stay and listen.
''What a red letter day!'' he exclaimed. ''The Prime Minister is sitting in this chamber.''
The Opposition Leader was torn. Should he keep talking about the evils of the carbon tax? Or should he heckle Gillard?
Ultimately, Abbott went with a compromise solution.
He talked about Gillard's ''betrayal'' - allowing him to riff on the Kevin Rudd thing - and of course, her ''big lie'' .
But he also paused to point out that Gillard was taking notes during his speech.
''She's scribbling away!'' he said, as if this too was a political crime.
''But she can't wash away the stain [of the carbon tax]''.
Manager of Opposition Business Christopher Pyne seconded the motion, and straight away took issue with Gillard's habit of making comparisons with the carbon tax and the GST.
''I knew John Howard! I served with John Howard!'' he boomed at the House.
''John Howard was a friend of mine and you're no John Howard!''
When Gillard stood to respond to the Coalition, there was a great hurrah from the Opposition benches - the PM was finally going to respond one of their motions to suspend standing orders. They were so excited you could barely hear Gillard as she began.
''They've had a big night out, they just need to settle down,'' she said.
The PM - who is just about to go on a campaign to (re)sell the carbon tax - said she was looking forward to the return of parliament after the start of the tax.
By then, the Coalition's predictions about the sky falling in will have been proven false.
Taking particular issue with Abbott, Gillard said she hoped he would be ''man enough'' to apologise for his ''relentlessly negative campaign''.
''But I won't be holding my breath,'' she added.
The motion was defeated 74 votes to 67, but that wasn't the end of question time.
Even though the clock was showing 3.42pm, there was another Dixer for Trade Minister Craig Emerson ... on the carbon tax.
Rocking up to the despatch box, Emerson said that he'd be in Whyalla on Sunday for the dawn of the carbon tax and he was going prepared.
Pulling out a measuring tape and extending it for the House to see, he said he'd be bringing ''my sky-high measuring device''.
This will show that ''Chicken Little is wrong'' he said, looking straight at Abbott.
''We will prevail'' Emerson shouted, before Gillard asked that further questions be put on the notice paper.