TONY WRIGHT July 17, 2012
It's not every day you get an email from the God Allah, but these are strange times. Seriously.
''This is a personal message from God Allah to you,'' the self-declared deity wrote in an email sprayed all over the place this week and headed ''Emergency Message from God Allah''.
''It may be the only message you receive from Me so please respond,'' it urged.
Turns out G. Allah is looking for ''a church or mosque etc to receive Me''. You would imagine that such an eminence would already know of a suitable institution, but apparently not. There's a phone number and an email address for anyone who might be able to help.
Kevin Rudd's brother Greg has approximately the same chance of this bereft spirit of finding a welcoming landing place, though at least he knows where he would like to wash up.
G. Rudd announced this week he was seeking a Senate seat. Yes, he would stand as a Queensland independent.
Given that Queensland Senate seats are generally sewn up tighter than a Mormon's undergarments by Labor and the Liberal National Party, an independent hardly has a prayer - even for a Rudd, a family for whom hope apparently springs eternal.
It's pretty certain Greg hasn't taken advice from Kevin on this matter. The two brothers haven't been on speaking terms for quite some time now, partly because K. Rudd possesses an ego approaching that of the aforementioned God Allah the emailer.
Close followers of this ticklish familial relationship may recall that when K. Rudd became prime minister, he issued an edict suggesting it would be a good idea if his brother ceased working as a lobbyist in Australia.
Considering Greg Rudd actually made his living at just such a task, it seemed a little extreme. Nevertheless, he pushed off to exile in Asia, and brotherly love never quite recovered.
Now, home from his wanderings, he is hoping to achieve something approaching a prodigal son embrace. You may recall the parable, in which the goody-goody older brother is much put out when his formerly lost brother is treated to a feast on his return.
Queensland voters, anyway, will have the choice of one Rudd brother, Kev, for the House of Representatives and another, Greg, for the Senate. One from Labor, one an independent, neither of them conversing. Could federal politics get any weirder?
When Labor's chief whip, Joel Fitzgibbon, mentioned the perfectly obvious on the ABC's Q&A program this week - that you actually need to be popular to remain a political leader - you'd swear he'd revealed the Lost Scrolls. Headlines were hastily composed and conspiracy theories abounded.
It meant, everyone agreed, that Fitzgibbon was slyly suggesting Julia Gillard was to be cast into the darkness and that Kevin the Rudd would be restored to his throne.
Well, imagine that! Was there anyone left in the nation who needed a headline to tell them? Was this even news?
Fitzgibbon, of course, is chief whip, which means he is the fellow who rounds up the numbers in Labor, talks to them all, makes sure they're in Parliament for important votes and possibly fills them with strong coffee should they have trouble working out which direction they should stagger for late-night parliamentary sessions.
He knew he had been a bit less than discrete by telling everyone in the broader audience that Julia's time was drawing near, so he added a rider.
''But Julia Gillard's doing good work. Well, I believe Julia Gillard's poll numbers will improve," he said.
The Q&A audience and panel fell about laughing. Thighs were slapped and the studio fairly echoed with mirth.
You didn't need to be God Allah or even the village idiot to know that here was the true Revelation: would-be deities are fast approaching their end of days when everyone snorts in merriment at the declared proposition they are on the up and up and are worthy of a comfortable place of repose.